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Inspiration:
Too Much for the Lights In Glasgow
Tuesday overlooked the cityscape, watching the city lights go up in the early morning of Glasgow. Nothing called to her like the city coming to life in the cool morning. People slowly waking from their nights before and ready to start anew. Mornings were innocent and fragile. The new day always held promise and hope for something amazing to happen.
As the city turned to life, Tuesday continued to reflect on last night. She wasn’t waking anew, but dying in her thoughts that kept her awake. All the stupid things they said the night before circled and clouded her. She had too much to say; too much that kept her quiet. Things were broken and friendship was left, dying in the night. She knew she stood on the balcony of her small hotel room with nothing but the peace the lights should bring her. She had no idea where Jimmy went after the words were whispered and shouted. She wanted Jimmy to know, even if she would miss him too much.
Come tomorrow, she was leaving. She had to leave to figure herself out. Too many voices clouded in her head; too many words she didn’t say made her guilty. One time too many did the words she did say made her guilty. She needed her own ground. She needed to stand on her own. She needed mistakes and consequences and pain. She needed something to regret. Her peace in Glasgow with her Jimmy didn’t offer the struggles she needed. There was too much she felt was missing.
“Too much this, too much that,” she sighed to herself. She was amazed by how little she felt in the morning light. Usually the light made her feel warm and connected the rest of Glasgow, if not the world. But this morning left her empty and alone, missing too much. She needed too much and had too much. Too much for the lights in Glasgow.
Too soon, the lights were up and people were awake, fully ready for the day. The peace Tuesday needed never came on that lonely balcony. She had only one day left in this heaven before she left to prove herself ready and the one person she wanted to be with was missing. There was too little time and too many thoughts she needed to think.
Tuesday glared at his mobile phone, left abandoned on the bedside table. She wanted to hear his rough voice whisper that everything would be okay. She needed him to understand that she needed would come back, but she needed to leave and make her own mark. All he saw was her leaving.
Slowly, Tuesday packed all of her things in her dirty hotel room. All of her life possessions fit neatly into her couple of bags. Packing was easy, but she made it last all day to distract her from her real life. No need to think about anything but where to place her shirts. Finally, her last full day in Glasgow came to a close and Tuesday started her last night in her safe home of Glasgow.
As she got ready to leave her hotel room and go out for one more night, she caught herself staring hopelessly at his mobile too much. Quickly, she picked it up and tossed it into her purse without a second thought. The mobile brought her hope that maybe she would find him tonight. The little bit of hope made her smile, but the doubt was overwhelming. She would head to their spot and hope that maybe he would come.
The dirty pub was a five-minute walk from her hotel and a three-minute walk from her former apartment. She and Jimmy had found the little three room and bath apartment a year ago, after they finished their schooling. She had spent months accumulating little treasures at open markets all around the UK before she had the desire to leave. The apartment was full of her items, but the aura was hers and Jimmy’s. The bedroom, the kitchen table, the living room floor… Everything was the two of them. And, she left it all behind except for her some clothes and basic things and a single notebook. Those things she would take away from Glasgow as she made her way on her own path and left her familiar territory: her love, their apartment, their bar.
“Two double vodkas, no ice, please,” Tuesday mumbled to the waitress when she sat down in their booth. Again with her hopelessness for Jimmy to show up, she ordered his drink and she miserably sipped hers in the darkened corner. He knew she would be here. She was too predictable in her little corner of the world.
She watched the people in the little bar as they unwound from their day. She and Jimmy had been going to this bar since forever. The only place they didn’t need identification and the vodka was fairly cheap. The two of them met for the first time in this little corner of the world. A small smile lit up her eyes as she thought of that night.
It was a fairly warm night in April and Tuesday had forgotten her friends at the club long ago. All she wanted to do for the rest of the night was dance away and disappear into the drunken clouds. Her friends were more into making their curfew while Tuesday had no curfew to uphold. Soon she found herself in a dark and dank pub with barely any people in it, just some college students and a few regulars. After finding out she didn’t need any identification to be handed cheap vodka, she drank and danced without a care in the world. The cheap vodka – the stuff that burns so down the back of your throat no matter how many you have- kept her very happy and gave her plenty of confidence.
Her free spirit amazed Jimmy. She knew he had his eyes on her from the moment she walked in. Even in the dark bar, her blonde hair found some light to reflect. Her green eyes twinkled with her drunken happiness and her laugh brought its own life to the place. She was the center of attention and she knew it and relished in every moment.
Jimmy relied on his liquid courage to find his way to her. Quickly, the two of them clicked in the way alcohol makes two people click. Dancing, laughter, small kisses, and vodka filled their evening as the stumbled around the bar until early in the morning when they were kicked out. They walked the empty streets together talking and holding hands with the intimacy the vodka gave them. They fell asleep that night in the park under the stars and woke to watch the city lights go up. In her hangover state with this semi-stranger, Tuesday felt the peacefulness for the first time in her life.
“Order without me, did ya?” he whispered in his voice, pulling her out of her memories. The tone weary and tired, but it was still Jimmy’s voice nonetheless. He gave her a small smile as she slid the second vodka and his mobile towards him. All she could do was return the same smile with the same tired eyes as he slid into the bench on the other side of the booth.
Neither had slept at all last night. Tuesday had spent the night, alone, under the stars on her balcony thinking about her decision and what was right and what was wrong. There was no answer in Jimmy’s face where he had been; just that he hadn’t slept either.
“How are you?” she asked him without looking at him.
“How do you think?” he asked in a harsh tone. “I just discovered last night that my girlfriend has been planning to leave me for the US.”
“Jimmy,” she sighed. “You know it’s not like that. I need to go. There is too much I haven’t seen.” Her eyes begged him to understand, but his eyes just showed his pain.
“Why do you have to go so far? Why do you have to leave? Why do you have to leave me?”
“I need to clear my head. I need to find my footing. I need to make my own,” she pleaded with him.
“You don’t understand,” he said. “I don’t understand. Our world, our life is good. We have made our own here. We have an apartment and a life. I would give it all up for you. I don’t understand why you have to leave the continent for your footing. I don’t understand why you are leaving me. You don’t understand how great this life is and how happy you should be. I don’t understand why you have to leave.”
“I have to fail. I have to struggle. I have to try,” she whispered angrily.
“Can we get four more double vodkas?” he growled towards the waitress as she collected their empty glasses. As she walked away, he sighed and looked at Tuesday. They started in silence until the waitress brought them back their drinks. Jimmy quickly downed his first one while Tuesday sipped hers. Jimmy glared as his third one as it sat in front of him on the table.
“Jimmy,” Tuesday whispered. “Please say something.”
“What do you want me to say? I forgive you? Everything will be okay? We’ll be okay? I don’t know what to say!”
“Jimmy,” she sighed, “I will be back. Glasgow is my home, but right now, it is too safe for me, too predictable.”
“You know, sometimes, predictability and safety aren’t bad things. Especially when you are happy.”
“I will be back. I need to go and clear my head. I need to figure out what I want from you. When I’m done, I will back. Please just let me go. I need to see city lights somewhere else and see more of the world.”
“What’s wrong with Glasgow?”
“This morning, I watched the city lights go up from my balcony. And for the first time since I met you, they didn’t bring me peace.”
Jimmy nodded his head as his lips formed a tight line. “What’s wrong with me, then?”
“Jimmy,” she softly smiled a tilted her head to the side. “There is nothing wrong with you. There is just a desire to do something. I’m not sure of what yet, but I have to do all I can do.”
He gave one of his famous smiles that made Tuesday’s heart melt. “You are one hell of a dreamer, you know that, right? There’s nothing I can say, is there?”
“No,” Tuesday softly whispered. “I leave tomorrow morning.”
“After the lights go up, right?” he gave a slight laugh. He realized there was nothing to say and knew there was no hope in stopping her with words. Tuesday knew he was setting aside his pain for her, to make the best of the night.
“Before. I need to get away from those lights. There’s simply too much of everything to wait for the lights to go up.”
“What about tonight?”
“Tonight, I am only a vodka away from you, away from settling into your arms for the night. You own my heart, you do know that, right?”
“No, Tuesday. I don’t know much when it comes to you. The only thing I am sure of is that you are always a vodka away from me; you never do quite reach the point where you are with me. And no matter how predictable you think you are, you are the most unpredictable person in my life and I quite enjoy it.” He looked down and shook his head silently before leaning in and meeting her eyes. “Promise me you will come back,” he whispered in his most sincere tone.
“I won’t stop until I make it back to you, I promise.”
“Okay,” he exhaled and ordered one more round. The two of them sat in silence as they finished their drinks before walking hand in hand to Tuesday’s hotel room to finish off her last night in Glasgow.
-.-
Jimmy stared at Tuesday, watching her in the moonlight, before the lights went up in Glasgow. Her skin glowed in the dark hotel room as she spoke quietly into her mobile. Jimmy wished he could go back to the when her skin radiated under bright lights; the time he sat under the tree with her; the sun on their faces. There wasn’t a single place where he would rather be. Watching her lay in the grass, her eyes closed under the warmth of the sun, he was breathless and in love. Now, watching her getting ready to leave in the moonlight, he struggled to breathe again.
“The cab is here,” she whispered to him.
“Okay,” he sighed whispered back without much emotion and carried her larger bags out for her. After helping the cab driver load her things into the trunk, Jimmy climbed into the taxi with Tuesday. Silently, he held her hand the entire way to the airport while staring out his window. Tuesday remained silent, brushing off his behavior to the early morning. She spent her time watching her Glasgow speed past her as she moved closer and closer to leaving. All too soon, the cityscape slipped out of view while the airport snuck into her eyesight.
The airport didn’t seem crowded or empty that morning. It was just there and so were the people. No emotions could be stirred; no new thoughts could be thought in either Tuesday or Jimmy as they walked through the strikingly dull building towards her gate. Together, they sat in the dull green chairs staring straight ahead.
Finally, Jimmy turned towards Tuesday. “I’m going to miss you too much, ya know?”
“Yeah, I know. I’m going to miss you, too.”
Jimmy sighed again before reaching up and holding Tuesday’s face. “We’ve been best mates since nearly forever. I can’t believe you’re really leaving me.” Slowly, he leaned in and kissed her. The simple innocence stunned both of them. “I love you, kid.”
Tuesday was amazed at his sudden subtle emotion. They may have been attached since they met, but that was the first time he whispered those three little words to her. Tears streamed slowly down her face as she stared into his deep brown eyes. She knew she loved him, but it was an unspoken kind of sentiment. “I love you, too. I always have,” she whispered back before she kissed him with all of her heart. “I’ll stay. I will walk away from this airport and back to our flat if you say to.”
“You know there’s nothing I can say that will be of any use to you.” He gave a weak smile back to her. “You need to go. I will deal. You promised you will be back someday, and you need to go so you can come back to me.” His words were calm, but his tone couldn’t stay light and playful and the emotion he was failing to hide reveled itself. “I always knew you were too much for Glasgow. That night we met I knew it. You are too much: too bright, too full of life, too adventurous. Maybe when you come back, we’ll be even.”
“Flight 109 to New York City, New York, is now boarding,” the intercom voice said.
“That’s you kid,” Jimmy said with a sigh.
“I won’t stop until I make it back to you,” Tuesday promised again.
“Go. Figure out what you need to. I will be here when you’re ready,” Jimmy said when they reached the point where he couldn’t go any further. “I love you,” and again he kissed her simply before he turned and left Tuesday to board her plane. As the plane took off from the little airport, the city lights were just going up in Glasgow.
-.-
The airport in New York City and the streets zooming by felt terribly crowded. Tuesday felt completely empty in comparison. After the taxi to the hotel she was staying at before she found a new apartment. From her new hotel balcony, Tuesday watched the city lights go up in New York.
-.-
—————————————————————-
So that’s basically what I have so far. I have no idea if this is going anywhere or where it may be going. It’s just something that hit me Tuesday night after I posted last week and I haven’t been able to let go of this story since.
x to the o,
Mae
PS. The character Tuesday in no way represents me. The name was just the name that spilled out onto my laptop screen. The name of the boy has changed frequently and I can’t seem to settle on one.
PPS. All criticism welcome, of course.
Sorry for the delay! My friend wanted to take her time getting back after dinner, my mom needed to talk to me AND I had to talk to a certain clarinet player *cough, CASEY* on the phone so I couldn’t go to my computer in the basement.
ANYWAY, it’s in the other blog and I posted this so you’d be sure to look there!
~Megan
I’ve got to stop posting so early in the morning! It makes me look pathetic and crazy because I have to work tomorrow. At least you know the truth…
As I mentioned on Monday, I was not very happy at the start of this week. Nearly two hours before I wrote that post I found out that I was “fired” from my position at my school job via email. I was very unhappy because I was not let in on the decision and told nearly a month late. Everyone told me that I was not told right away because Doc did not want to “ruin my summer” and knew I wouldn’t take it well. I would have been fine had I been told before the others on staff – then it would have been more of a situation where everyone agreed with the decision. I lost the right to step down, I guess, and that hurt my pride. My friends agree with me on that matter. It shouldn’t have happened the way it did. So, when we get back to school we’re going to say it was a group decision. It’s not lying! My friends defended me when they talked with Doc PLUS I agree with the decision, even though it was dealt with poorly.
Still, I was more upset because someone found out (that shouldn’t have) before me. Monday night I got to talk to Andrew (the person that took my place) and he helped me feel better about the whole situation and explained what happened. Anyway, long story short, I still have my job but I am no longer in charge because I get “so stressed out” during the school year. I say whatever to stress. >:| <–face, haha
HAPPIER TOPIC!
I got to work a ton this week! Wait… that’s not happy… Well, yes it is. I get money for working AND I get to experience lunch time at day care tomorrow – woot! The bad part is that most of my day is spent working and I have little morning free time. Welcome to the real world, I guess, haha.
Another thing that happened this week is that my friend, Casey, went to my favorite summer place EVER: LSM (Lutheran Summer Music – there’s a link on my personal blog). It’s a month long music camp and you are surrounded by other nerds and it’s a wonderful time. I miss it pretty bad. This is my second year of not going. Last year was much worse – I was a weepy mess the whole weekend before it started. This time I only teared up once and it was a happy memory. So, I am very happy that she is having a good time but very sad I cannot be there. I am seriously thinking of applying to be a counselor or intern there next summer. I wanted to this summer but my parents held me back for various reasons. I wish they hadn’t and I wish I had the guts to go for it. Next summer I will be more independent. I will pay for a plane ticket if I must (and that might be the easiest/cheapest bet, lol).
Money is so annoying. I wish we could still barter and trade. I would be like,
“Hey, flute man – if you cut the price of that new flute I want in half I will give you the reduced price plus my two old flutes, my guitar, my piano AND my trombone for it.”
“Sure, Megan! Nice trade! I’ve always wanted a beat up trombone with a leak!”
Except… it wouldn’t be a nice trade. I would be paying and giving much less than the actual price. But his love for that crusty trombone would be worth so much more to him… If only. This would also work for paying for college, food, anything you want. I try not to be too materialistic but I REALLY want a new flute. No joke. The one I have now is… oh gosh, it’s almost seven years old. :( It’s clanky and… I want a new SHINY flute!
- What was your best or worst family vacation ever? Why?
My best BIG family vacation ever was when my entire family (around 20 people) went to Branson, MO (it doesn’t get more exciting than that…) and stayed for a long weekend. That was with my entire paternal side.
With just my parents and I, I suppose it would be Disney World when I was seven (in… 1995?) We stayed at the awesome Disney All-Star resort and the housekeepers organized my stuffed animals on my bed and it made me really happy – I left them a note. But we got to go to Blizzard Beach and I got sick from the water but it was still a lot of fun. Good times with my parents… - What is your favorite glue and why?
I thought about it and I decided GLUE STICK is my favorite glue. Versatile - used for construction paper, cards, letters, etc… And it dries clear!
Here’s my video!!! It includes two challenges, questions, and Ian’s challenge for me…
You can all decide if my second go at Ian’s challenge counts or not. I think it should. ;)
aaaaaand sorry about the glare on my glasses – I didn’t feel like changing into contacts!
Uhm…. I’m not typing out the Would You Rathers so try and pay attention!!!
I’ll see you all on SUNDAY when I cover for Katie (who is in the UK…So lucky…)
LOVES!
~Megan/Thursday
PS: When we get to school I have a horrible feeling it will be harder to find time to video edit. It would be like, theory homework OR video editing… hmm… I wonder which would win?
